An Award-Winning Kids Music Duo from New Zealand
Songs for Baby Loss Awareness
Since forming in 2014 we have written a new song each year for Baby Loss Awareness Month, all of which are free to download for anyone who needs them.
It is our hope that these songs will help people connect with their emotions while they navigate their grief after the loss of a child.
Lucy Hiku and Jenny Payne met each other (and their husbands) while studying music in 2002. Sadly in 2009 Jenny and her husband Rob lost their darling son Leo at three days old. Baby loss is not a commonly discussed subject and we are hopeful that the music we create can spark conversations about our angels, our miscarriages and the loss of our children.
"Oh tell me about the stars,
do they sparkle even brighter
in heaven?
Oh tell me about the stars,
do they shine on you
the way my heart shines for you?
Just like the stars
You light my way
Just like the stars
You're far away."
Itty Bitty Beats’ baby loss songs; 'Tell Me About the Stars', ‘The Last Lullaby’, ‘Soaring Through Skies’ and ‘They Say’ are being used worldwide, especially in the UK, by baby loss support groups and stillborn photographers. “This music we are creating is a legacy to Leo’s memory and we hope it can reach the people who need it”. Our baby loss songs were mentioned in an article in The Sun in a piece about UK stillborn photographers Remember My Baby.
We are constantly receiving messages from families requesting our songs to be played at funerals and memorial services for their children. People send us emails to share their stories. We hear from individuals, from baby loss organisations and support groups... we have discovered an incredible network of people who understand this type of grief and all that goes with it.
"I'll feel you in the sun
I'll hear you in the wind
I'll see you in my dreams
I'll hold you in my heart
I'll find you in the quiet, or the swell of the ocean
I'll find you in the dawn of the hurt
Your memory may sneak
From my eyes unto my cheek
My darling"
These songs have connected us with strangers all over the world who share the one thing we all wish never happened. One tough thing we’ve found after releasing these songs has been discovering how many of our friends and family members have miscarried, but never shared their experience because of the taboo nature of child loss.
We need to talk about our grief, our loss and our babies. Staying silent doesn’t help any of us heal.
"Now you are soaring through skies
Our planes can't fly to
Can you hear my cries?
You're the one I call to
You are a candle burning bright within my heart You're a gift I've loved so dearly from the start And though you are beyond my touch
I love you so very much"
One of our recent songs ‘They Say’ is quite different from our previous baby loss songs. It is more about our relationships with others during the grieving process. Friends and family want to help and don’t really know what to say during a time that there really isn’t anything to say.
You hear comments from people who mean well that start with “at least…” like “at least you can try again…” “at least you have one child already”... “at least you know there was nothing you could do”... and they really cut deep.
"They say that time will heal
But the only time it will
Is when you're in my arms again
They say that scars will heal
But don't they see
They're all I have left of you?
No need to look on the bright side
I'm in the shadow of losing you
And even in the sunshine, all I see is rain
But it's just the tears rolling down my face"
During our grief, the most healing words we’ve heard are:
It’s ok to cry.
You can talk about your baby/experience/sadness/loss with me any time.
I’m here to grieve with you.
Grief has no timeline and no end date. Your loss will be felt for your lifetime and I’m here with you for a lifetime.
When words fail - just show up. Bring a meal. Hold a hand. Help with chores. Google articles about grief to educate yourself on ways to support the people you love who are going through imaginable pain. Step up, don’t step away. Supporting someone who is processing such profound loss is hard work. When you aren't sure of what to do, it’s enough just to love and listen.